Famous Chess Jokes - dhila-re pila-re - A rare collection of jokes in Chess
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Following extracts are taken from the famous DHILAre-PILAre jokes on BAN-bay Chess Association Secretary DHILA-re which had become favorite of all chess players in 2009 due to its criticism on a corrupt ill-managed chess association.
DHILA literally means 'A crack person' in Marathi Language & PILA means 'A drunkard' !!! DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS JOKES ARE FICTIOUS & BEAR NO RESEMBLENCE TO the corrupt secretary OF any chess association!!!! IF ANY RESEMBLENCE IS FOUND, IT IS A MERE COINCIDENCE !!! Enjoy ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre gives DHILAre a Chess position to solve. DHILAre: That position is for beginners, amateurs. PILAre: That’s the reason why I have given you to solve!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre: Yesterday, I spoke to former Women’s world Champion Alexandra Kosteniuk on phone. PILAre: That’s really great man. What did she say?? DHILAre: Wrong Number.............!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: How did you manage to remain the secretary of BANbay Chess Association for 11 consecutive years when the term of a secretary is only 3 years DHILAre: Its very simple, I don’t conduct elections at all !! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: What are the different formats of Chess Tournaments? DHILAre: Recognised, Unrecognised, Banned, Authorised, Unauthorised, Affiliated, Unaffiliated, etc depending on whether the event organiser pays me my commission or not ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre: Pilare, you keep on consuming alcohol throughout the day. Actually, Alcohol is not the answer to all your questions. PILAre: But it surely helps you to forget the question ! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: Yesterday, You lost all games in your own tournament. DHILAre: Still, I stood first. PILAre: How? DHILAre: I banned & debarred all other players ! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre: My doctor said my brain is worth Rs.1 crore while your brain is only Rs 1000. PILAre: Thats because your have never used it in your entire life. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: Why do you use abusive language with students? I heard your recordings on facebook. DHILAre: That’s bullshit, a big lie. Its my natural tone. I speak in the same way with everyone! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: Hey,did you see the Anand-Topalov World Championship match yesterday? DHILAre: What’s that? They havent taken our permission. I will declare it unrecognised! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre is busy playing chess with a donkey. PILAre interupts: What a clever donkey. DHILAre protests: No, he is not that clever. I won 4 games of 6 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pilare: Why do you ban players, Coaches, & Organisers? DHILAre: We have no activities in our club. So, we put bans. At least now, no one can say, we don’t do anything! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre: How long can a person live without brain? PILAre: What is your age? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: Why dont you play chess with Ram anymore? DHILAre: Would you like to play with someone who cheats & abuses? PILAre: No. DHILAre: Neither would Ram! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------- PILAre: Do u enjoy banning small kids & when they cry & beg 2 allow them play? DHILAre: I won’t answer.I know u will record this sting operation ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre helps PILAre by pushing his donkey cart on a steep hill. PILAre: Thanks DHILare, I realize it takes more than one ass to push my cart !! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre is filling a form & a question is: How do U like to be remembered as? DHILAre asks the person next to him: How do U spell INTELLECTUAL? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre is busy playing chess with a donkey. PILAre interupts: What a clever donkey. DHILAre protests: No, he isn’t that clever. I won 4 games out of 6 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: Where’s the government grant of Rs20 lakh? DHILAre: I Spent it on printing show cause notices, ban letters, apology letters, abusive calls and sending ban SMS. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre: Why do Mumbaikar’s make fun of me even though we are all MARATHI MANOOS. PILAre:I agree that you are Marathi but I doubt whether u r a MANOOS(HUMAN) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre: Dhirubhai dreamed to see mobile with every beggar. PILAre: Your new mobile has made his dream true! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre sent sms to DHILAre: bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha. DHILAre got angry and replied: bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan. PILAre read on a wall: one who reads this is a monkey.DHILAre (gets angry) and writes: One who writes this is a monkey ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mumbai Chess Player: Can I tell you the famous DHILAre Pilare Jokes? Ban-Bay Chess Association Organiser: We are all good friends of DHILAre, would you still like to tell? Player: No, Then I will have to explain it five times! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: Do you think police case will be filed against you for all the wrong things done by you for all these years? DHILAre: No chance of any new case being filed. Mumbai Police are already tired due to the criminal cases filed against me in several Police stations. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: Do people fear you so much in Mumbai because you ban & abuse everybody? DHILAre: Yes. A few years ago, I started this ban system by banning our club President ‘mr. paisa-lenan thokale’ !! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of yamraj ,she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. he asked, “What are all those clocks?” Yamraj answered, “Those are LieCloks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.” “Oh,” said Rabri, “Who’s clock is that?” That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. “And whose clock is that?” That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life.” PILAre asked, “Where’s DHILAre’s clock?” “DHILAre’s clock is in my office”, replied yamraj, “I’m using it as a ceiling fan ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre: I am a very responsible Secretary of my Chess Association. PILAre: How do you say that? DHILAre: For every fraud, they hold me responsible!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DHILAre: Are my jokes so famous like sardarjis? PILAre: Today, only intellects like your jokes, but your nonstop stupidity will soon make you world famous. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PILAre: People tease you so much. Still how do you show your shameless face? DHILAre: I am just one of our group of shameless monkeys. When no one in BAN-BAY chess association cares, Why should I care? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Conversation between Secretaries of different cities Tamil: We gave 4 Grandmasters to India. Kannad: We brought discipline in Chess.Delhite: We conduct high standard Chess Tournaments. Punjabi: We have brought respect to players. DHILAre: We have invented the ban system !! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
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For any suggestions, queries or feedback, do write to us at sportswcf@gmail.com or call +91 9702333480
Rubiks Cube & Chess Academy
Brain & IQ Development Centre
Mumba Sports Management Institute
www.worldchessfed.com
copyright@2011
All Rights reserved
